can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
