i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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