Duck Duck Cougar?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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