I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
