Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
