So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
