Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
