My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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