Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
