I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
