his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
