My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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