OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
