Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
