I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
