how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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