Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
jump out the window naked night went bad
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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