Yo dont text me then not text me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
