would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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