Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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