just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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