I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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