he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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