An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
