I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize