its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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