He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
