Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
