i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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