Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
