Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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