youre lurking in front of me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize