We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want nice things and good sex
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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