we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
