so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
