perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
