yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
