I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
