this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
