i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
