Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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