she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
