If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
