I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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