I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
there is puke in my bra ... again
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