Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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