You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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