He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
