I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
