True but thats because hes a fetus.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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