what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
