So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
