dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
