you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
