He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
