and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
