After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
