So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
