I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
