but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize