Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
