I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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