Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
