just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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