I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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