I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize