billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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