its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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