I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
two words: eviction party
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
