He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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