I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
