I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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