A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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