So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
