hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
