Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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