i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
