"it" just moved
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
