I got chris browned last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
