i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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