Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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