I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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