But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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