mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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