Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
