So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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