Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
