Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize