Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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