Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She even gives head with a lisp.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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