This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
