so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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