Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize