I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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