i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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