Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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