from now on my penis is your penis
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
