Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
