Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize