If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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