he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
