bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
