she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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