Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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