I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
