dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
