At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize