I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
